my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I believe in your delicious
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
