I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
