if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
