So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
