Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
