did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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