I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
