dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
