Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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