No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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