I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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