And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
