I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
