Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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