Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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