I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
