Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
