Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
