just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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