I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
