When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
