youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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