Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Someone came in the potted fern
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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