Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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