don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
