At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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