i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
These tits shall not be calmed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
