I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
