Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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