4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
