come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
