The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
