just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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