Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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