i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
