No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
