Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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