Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it was like eating out sand paper
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
