if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
