my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
