Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
