By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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