I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
