a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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