we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
