Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
