Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
