I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
