Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
