I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
